


Religious Fervor

by matrixrefugee



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-20 08:39:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17619098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matrixrefugee/pseuds/matrixrefugee
Summary: One of the best cons Jack and River invented: woo-woo religious cults





	Religious Fervor

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](https://fic-promptly.dreamwidth.org/profile)[fic_promptly](https://fic-promptly.dreamwidth.org/)'s [Any, any, "If I could pray with my cock, I'd be much more religious." (A Clash of Kings, p 238)](http://fic-promptly.dreamwidth.org/107267.html?thread=5042691&format=light#cmt5042691) Featuring Jack Harkness and River Song, and part of the reason behind Jack's two years of memories that the Time Agency took from him. Rated for some naughty humor.

"How come you're always the avatar of the goddess, I have to be the priest?" Jack grumbled. He and River Song had, as a side project, set up shop as the devotees of a Viridian fertility cult, though that had lead to a dispute over who played what role in the "worship sessions".

"Patience, Jack, most fertility cults revolve around an earth goddess, and her avatar has the role of initiating the youngsters who've just passed from adolescence to adulthood and into the frisky ways of the flesh," River replied, digging through the foldspace trunk full of gowns, some revealing, some that covered but the sheer material made them left little to the imagination.

"So there aren't any fertility gods of a more manly persuasion for those who prefer them types? What happens if you get some young devotee who would rather have an avatar with a different physical make?" Jack asked.

"That's where strap ons come in handy, sweetie," River said, holding up the very instrument and playfully bopping Jack on the head with it.

"Ow! Hey, I've been slapped with a rod before, but it was a rod of a different make," he snarled, grinning at her.

"I imagine you have," River drawled. "Besides, I thought you gave up on religion after the gods of your little home rock closed their ears to you."

"Point taken, but a man can change his ways, find a new creed or cult that fits the bill," Jack replied, fluffing up a silk covered pillow and tossing it onto the divan that dominated the chamber they had rented as their temple. "Besides, if I could pray with the Little Captain and his two lieutenants and the Little Captain's Sister, I'd be much more religious."

"Oh, you naughty boy," River purred. "You're just trying to take advantage of the fervor of the unsuspecting little people." Snatching up a pillow and smirking at him, she lobbed the velvet-covered square at his head.

He caught it on the wing. "Hey, I thought taking advantage of people's religious fervor was part of the whole job?" he retorted. "I was just thinking we could get a wider clientele and bring in a bigger take if we appealed to devotees with more diverse tastes."

"Hmmm, I suppose we could diversify, if you must insist," River mused, more pleased with the idea than she let on. "I could be the priestess to your avatar, just promise me you'll not take more than your share of the devotees' attentions?"

"Promise you I won't go to them: they'll be the one's asking for me," Jack said, raising one hand in a promise. "Swear on my honour."

"Jack, darling, you haven't shown a scrap of honour since we ran our first mission together," River said, approaching Jack and draping her arms around his neck.

He nuzzled her cheek. "Mmm, and you wouldn't have me any other way, otherwise I'd be boring. Am I right?"

"This time you're right," she said, playfully swatting his behind before releasing him. "Now. We'd better see about finding you some suitable ritual garb, which means some shopping is in order."

"Good way to stop scoping out some potential devotees," Jack said, going for their coats. "The Goddess is in town, and she's brought along a little pet."

"Indeed, you are," she smirking, approvingly.


End file.
